So, I did about five days of my daily focus challenge before missing a day.
I missed a day. I resolved to not let missing the day derail me. To not beat myself up. Meditation is about acceptance, to some degree, at least for me.
Then I missed two days. I was amazed, as it seemed to me I had, at most, missed one. But no, two. I decided to not get too mad at myself, and resolved to do better.
Then I missed two days again, only, looking at my app, and here is where bookkeeping is essential, the two days was really four days.
Four days.
So, this isn’t working. Why? Well, I am not shaming myself into doing it. I’m not paying myself, nobody is paying me, to do it. Nobody but me cares if I do it. There are no immediate consequences for not doing it. There are things that call to me more urgently. The habit doesn’t take, or if it does, it can die away almost instantly.
I repeat the ‘making a habit stick,’ google search, which has like five ideas, which, it seems, I have to google over and over again as if I’m cooking dried beans in a pressure cooker. That’s one fucking number per bean. I eat two kinds of beans. I keep forgetting.
I need a schedule, or at the very least, a trigger for the new habit to stick. How do I know that?
One day missed, two days missed, then four, all while thinking I’m building a habit, when I am most definitely not.
I am shit at schedules. I slip on one thing and the whole day goes fucking out the window. So triggers.
Coffee. I always have coffee. It’s hard to say when I finish the coffee, sometimes I sip at it for a long damn time, but now, when I finish it, boom. Ten minutes.
Let’s try that.
